A Heart in a Body in the World by Deb Caletti

I first came across A Heart in a Body in the World by Deb Caletti in a book store display when it was first released towards the end of last year. The pretty cover grabbed my attention first, and then the summary on the inside flap sealed the deal. The story sounded promising, so I picked it up and put it on my shelf. A few months later, I started seeing A Heart pop up in YouTube book review videos. It was getting rave reviews from people with similar tastes to mine, so I decided that now was the time to read it. I'm trying to read some newer releases while they are still popular this year. I did it with On the Come Up earlier this month and enjoyed being up to date, so this was my second effort to stay on trend with what other readers are currently into. I'm glad to say that I was not disappointed with this choice.

The story follows high school senior Annabelle Agnelli. Annabelle lives in Seattle and is on the verge of turning 18 and graduating. Right away, her inner dialogue reveals that she is suffering from PTSD from a terrible event in her past, but as she refuses to think about the event in detail, the reader doesn't know what it is that has happened to her. Almost immediately after the first chapter starts, she has a panic attack and breaks into a run. She is a cross country runner with a few marathons under her belt, so she keeps up the running for hours in an effort to clear her head. Eventually she arrives at a decision. She's going to keep running until she hits Washington D.C. She is going to run across the entire United States.

Her decision to do this is rash and unplanned. Her grief and trauma over the terrible thing that happened to her is palpable, and this idea of running springs out of her broken heart. It is clear she blames herself for the situation, and the grief and shame of it are eating her alive. Her mother and brother, although initially alarmed by her decision, decide to support her mission and begin forming more concrete plans for her. Her little brother Malcolm maps out her route and secures accommodations along the way. Her mother provides emotional support through frequent texts and calls. Her grandfather follows behind her in an RV, providing food and shelter throughout her run. Even her friends get in on the plan, setting up a GoFundMe account to finance her journey and securing interviews with colleges and newspapers along the way. Soon, Annabelle has a huge support system and thousands of people following her steps.

However, despite this extensive support system, Annabelle's journey is an intensely personal and often lonely one. She runs across hundreds of miles of empty fields and desolate stretches of back roads, all the while trying to process and come to terms with what has happened to her. Her experience is intricately linked with a political hot topic, but she has no desire to become the face of a new movement. Her heart is too broken and she is too raw for that. Reluctantly, she grants a few interviews and begins speaking at venues as she gets deeper into her trip. These opportunities help her begin to piece her life back together and spread awareness about an important issue. A Heart in a Body in the World is the story of how one girl moves on from an unthinkable tragedy by taking on an impossibly difficult task; it is the story of how grief can change us and move us to accomplish the impossible.

I really enjoyed this novel, and the aspect that stood out the most for me was its structure. Since Annabelle actively tries to stop herself from thinking about her past, readers remain in the dark about what exactly happened to her for most of the novel. What we focus on instead are her feelings; exploring the depths of Annabelle's pain and how her life was irrevocably changed by this mysterious event allows readers to get to know her character before being distracted by the sad events of her backstory. This backwards process kept the story engaging and allowed me to dive deeper into how the aftermath of a tragedy works. Deb Caletti does a nice job of giving bits and pieces of information about the event along the way, and when the full picture of what happened finally emerges, it makes the situation even more poignant. We already know how crushed Annabelle will be by it, so we care all the more. It was very well-crafted storytelling.

Also well-crafted was the description of Annabelle's guilt and shame surrounding the situation. She blames herself for everything that happened, despite knowing logically that she shouldn't feel that way. I could see a lot of myself in her reactions and I know I would probably process things in a similar way to her. She refers to the perpetrator of the crime at the center of this novel as "The Taker," and she blames herself for being polite to him, for ignoring her internal feelings of discomfort around him, for enjoying attentions from him, and for bringing him into her circle of friends. She feels guilty for surviving him while others didn't. Caletti is clear about how these reactions are drilled into women from a young age, how we are supposed to be nice to everyone and to put the comfort of others (often men) before our own in an effort to avoid seeming difficult. It definitely gave me pause as I recognized some of those same tendencies in myself.

A Heart in a Body in the World is certainly a very strong and moving young adult novel. It isn't perfect; some of the metaphors are a bit too obvious, and some of the sections of running in the middle felt long. There is also a romance included for Annabelle that I could have done without. However, overall this was a tremendous read, and I'm glad to have picked it up. A word of warning though, it is a real downer for most of the pages. Anyone struggling emotionally or feeling depressed might get sucked down further with this book. Save it for a time when you are feeling more or less normal. That's the one thing I wish I had done differently during my reading experience. I was having a down kind of week and this really didn't help. I still came out loving the book though, so it all worked out in the end. 


Challenge Tally
Finally in 2019: 8/6 Books Read - Complete!

Total Books Read in 2019: 17