Hold Still by Nina LaCour

*Trigger warning for suicide*

The next prompt for the Book Junkie Challenge is to read a tear-jerker. I chose Hold Still by Nina LaCour. I bought this book fairly recently on impulse, mostly based on the cover design. The summary on the back is sad and the story is on the shorter side, making this a great choice for a read-a-thon. However, I went into my reading a little apprehensive about the subject matter. This is a novel that deals with suicide, and after reading All the Bright Places last week, I wasn't sure my heart could take any more. I decided to push ahead and give it a shot though, since the book had pretty good reviews and I was very curious.

The plot follows a high school junior named Caitlin Madison during the year after the suicide of her best friend, Ingrid Bauer. The two girls were extremely close, and Caitlin is having trouble adjusting to the loss. She is depressed, angry, and feeling guilty for not realizing Ingrid needed help before it was too late. One night, while searching for something in her room, Caitlin finds Ingrid's journal under her bed. Realizing that Ingrid probably left it there for her to find, Caitlin begins to read the entries. She spaces out how much she reads each day, in an effort to make this last glimpse of her friend last as long as possible.

The journal reveals a side to Ingrid that Caitlin never knew; the entries show a young woman struggling with clinical depression and unable to hang on. While it is sad to digest, Ingrid's writing helps bring Caitlin the closure she needs to start moving forward with her life. Hold Still is a story about those left behind after a suicide - about the overwhelming grief that creeps up in the aftermath and the long journey towards healing in a loved one's absence.

I enjoyed this novel, and I thought that the difficult topics within it were treated respectfully. Nina LaCour's writing was easy to read and seemed to accurately capture the feelings of a person dealing with grief. Caitlin's growth throughout the story was well-developed as well. The book is divided into sections by season, and as the year moves forward, Caitlin is able to process more and more. Slowly, she comes to be more social, returns to her former artistic pursuits, and starts to make peace with her new reality.

One thing I was concerned about when Ingrid's journal was introduced was that this would turn into something unrealistic and emotionally exploitative, like the scavenger hunt in All the Bright Places or the tapes in 13 Reasons Why. Happily, the journal didn't take over the story and it was, for the most part, just a teenage girl's journal. The vast majority of the novel stays focused on Caitlin and her healing process, so I didn't feel weird about enjoying it.

At the same time, I didn't love this story. I didn't connect with it as deeply as I have with other young adult fiction. I feel like some piece was missing somewhere to make me care more about what was going on and I'm not sure what it was. I can't think of anything I would fault specifically and I would definitely still recommend it to readers who enjoy young adult contemporary fiction, but it wasn't a special favorite for me. To tell the truth, I think All the Bright Places may have burned me out on suicide stories for awhile.

Ultimately, Hold Still was a competently written, emotional exploration of a person living in the wake of a loved one's suicide. It was quite moving and felt realistic. I'd be open to exploring more of Nina LaCour's work in the future. As for now, I think I need to read something a bit lighter for a little while.


Challenge Tally
Book Junkie Trials (The Weeping Falls - Read a tear-jerker) 9/17
Finally in 2019: 29/6 Books Read - Complete!

Total Books Read in 2019: 47