My Dark Vanessa was the last book I bough in physical form before Covid-19 made it difficult to go shopping for fun things. This novel received a lot of buzz prior to its publication because of its difficult subject matter, and I'd had my eye on it for a while. My usual routine is to be all excited for a new book, buy it, then let it sit around for years before finally reading it. This one, however, I actually wanted to read right away. So, after finishing up with my classics and challenge books for the month, I picked it up.
The novel centers around a young woman named Vanessa Wye, who entered into a sexual relationship with her English teacher when she was fifteen years old. The story is split across two timelines that alternate chapters. The first timeline is set in 2017, when Vanessa is an adult, and her teacher, Jacob Strane, is at the center of a Me Too scandal. Several other girls have come forward claiming that he abused them at the private boarding school where he teaches, and the school has opened an investigation against him. Vanessa, who has never come forward with any accusations against him, is still emotionally entangled in his life and has maintained spotty contact with him over the years. As Strane begins to feel more and more pressure, he begins contacting Vanessa in earnest again, trying to ensure that she will maintain her silence about what happened between them years ago. Naturally, this stirs up a lot of difficult feelings in Vanessa, who promises to maintain her silence. However, she is under intense pressure too, as her relationship with Strane was almost an open secret back when she was in school, and a reporter has started contacting her and urging her to come forward with her story.
The second timeline starts off in 2000, when Vanessa first meets Strane in her sophomore year English class. This portion of the novel documents how Strane groomed her over the course of several months and then initiated a sexual relationship with her. As the school year progresses, Strane's control over her deepens to the point where she becomes obsessed with him and believes herself to be in love. Eventually, the amount of time they spend alone together is noticed by other students, and the efforts Strane takes to protect himself sends Vanessa off on a path of self-destructive decisions and emotional turmoil. As this timeline inches closer and closer to 2017, we see the story of how Strane's actions have pervaded every part of Vanessa's life, and how this harm extends far beyond the crimes he committed against her when she was a teenager.
This book was fantastic, but it was a difficult one to read. Kate Elizabeth Russell does not hold back or sugarcoat anything with her narration. We get Vanessa's story in graphic, uncomfortable detail. Her realistic portrayal of the sexual abuse Vanessa goes through is very effective at conveying the gravity of the situation and does not feel gratuitous or exploitative. Obviously, this still could be too much for some readers, but those who can stomach the frank descriptions will be rewarded with a complex story about the damage that sexual abuse can do to a young mind, and an interesting exploration of what being a victim is like for different survivors.
Vanessa's development across the story was similarly well done. Russell wisely left her messy, challenging traditional notions about what a victim of sexual abuse is "supposed" to think and feel. The Vanessa we meet in 2017 is not particularly likable. She is prickly, depressed, and shockingly protective of her rapist. At first, it is difficult to understand how she could feel this way so many years after the abuse occurred. However, as we move through the sections of the story set in the past, we get a clear picture of how Strane's insidious grooming process has invaded her mind and altered her thoughts. He's made her believe that she was an equal participant in everything they did, that she was special and advanced for her age, and that she has a dark side to her personality that perfectly matched his. Watching this process unfold is chilling, and feels very accurate. As the story progresses, Vanessa is able to attain some perspective on what has happened to her, but her growth is not as clear or complete as many would expect, indicating the overwhelming difficulty of her situation. Coming to terms with an abusive past is often a lifelong process, and everyone's journey towards healing will look different. By leaving Vanessa in the thick of it, Russell makes a powerful statement about the variety of experiences women have recovering from trauma.
When I was considering what to rate this novel, I was very split between four or five stars. I obviously liked the book, and thought that it brought up a lot of excellent points about survivors of sexual abuse. I can't really point to any major flaws that bothered me. At the same time, I didn't feel that magical, special connection I feel when I read a book that I truly love. This is probably because I am an English teacher, to kids only a year younger than Vanessa was in this novel. I don't think I could ever call a book dealing with a teacher molesting students an all-time favorite. So, I ended up settling at four stars.
My Dark Vanessa was an extremely powerful and memorable read. The content is difficult to get through at times, but I believe that Russell's treatment of life after sexual assault is worth the discomfort. She raises a lot of necessary points about how survivors may respond to trauma, and gives an engrossing and heartbreaking example of one woman's experience. This is a work of fiction, but the emotions and situations shown mirror the experiences of many people. Reading it helps dispel the belief that abuse survivors should behave or think in any particular way. I feel strange saying that I enjoyed this novel, because it is not a happy or uplifting book by any stretch of the imagination, but it was most definitely worth reading. I am glad that I actually got around to reading it while it was new.
Challenge Tally
Total Books Read in 2020: 41
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