Me and Earl and the Dying Girl by Jesse Andrews

When I first read Me and Earl and the Dying Girl back in 2015, it became an instant favorite. I don't usually love stories that center around a character with cancer, but this one was so quirky and unique that it instantly won me over. I picked up a few other novels by Jesse Andrews over the years, but never got around to actually reading them. So, when I was selecting books for my Then Versus Now Challenge, I knew that this was one favorite I could easily revisit and compare to a different Andrews book. I started off my reading hopeful that this story would still hold up, five years later.

The plot of the novel follows a teenager named Greg Gaines. He is just about to start his senior year of high school, and is looking forward to being on the top of the pecking order for once. He tells his story to the reader in first person, and kicks off his narration with an explanation of the social strategy he has been successfully employing for years. Essentially, he fits in with every group of kids in his school, but does not get close enough to any of them to be an actual part of any defined social circle. He is on good terms with the band geeks, the goths, the popular kids, and everyone in between, but isn't an actual member of any of those groups. This allows him to float along without getting picked on or bothered by anyone, which is exactly what he wants.

Another effect of his social strategy, however, is that he has hardly any real friends. The one exception to this is Earl, a short, foulmouthed, chain smoking classmate that he has been close with since grade school. Earl is an odd character to say the least. He has an extremely troubled family life, struggles with anger and aggression, and works far below his potential at school. He is also hilarious and surprisingly caring under the surface. He is different from Greg in almost every way. Still, they managed to bond over a shared love of movies, and now they make films together. They've made a ton of these over the years, but they don't ever show them to anyone, and Greg freely admits that they are all terrible. 

Greg's carefully constructed anonymity comes to an end at the start of the story when his mother gives him the awful news that Rachel Kushner, an old acquaintance of his that he knew from Hebrew school when he was twelve, has been diagnosed with an aggressive form of leukemia. She insists that Greg make an effort to be friends with her again and support her through her illness. Greg does not want to do this. He barely knows Rachel and hasn't spoken to her in years. He doesn't feel like he can deny this request, however, so he starts visiting her.

At first, his visits with Rachel are extremely awkward. Eventually though, his sense of humor helps them start to form a friendly relationship. After a while, Earl joins in and starts hanging out with Rachel too, who is getting steadily sicker and sicker. As word spreads at school about how Greg is supporting Rachel, he starts getting a lot of attention from classmates, who either assume that he is dating her and is in love with her, or that he is some kind of amazingly empathetic and generous person, neither of which are true. This all makes Greg, who values his privacy above all else, very uncomfortable. Even worse, Earl, in an effort to cheer Rachel up, lets her watch all of their personal films. When a classmate at school discovers this, she essentially guilts Greg and Earl into promising to make a movie especially for Rachel, and their struggle to do this leads them down a difficult and emotional path.

I'm happy to say that I loved this book just as much the second time around. It's so different to other young adult contemporary novels I have read, and in the best possible way. Andrews leaves the themes of the novel beautifully messy. Greg himself explains numerous times that this isn't the kind of story where a sick girl teaches the people around her important lessons and makes them realize big ideas about life and death. In one of my favorite sections of the novel, he says that his experiences with Rachel made life less meaningful to him. Greg didn't love Rachel; he barely knew her and he acknowledges that he probably would never have formed a relationship with her if she didn't get sick. He consistently feels guilty for not feeling bad enough about her situation--for being unable to stop thinking about himself when there is someone literally dying just steps away from him. Still, however, he is profoundly changed by his time with her in ways he does not understand and can't explain. This feels so realistic to how an illness can charge in and cause absolute chaos in people's lives. The lessons learned in the aftermath of cancer are seldom neat and tidy. It is traumatic to be sick and it is traumatic to watch someone be sick. It's a black hole of everyone's worst emotions. Greg's story captures that whirlwind and leaves things foggy. He doesn't become inspired by Rachel's struggle, it wrecks him, and while things do end on a note of hope, it is clear that he will be carrying the weight of his time with her for a long time to come.

In addition to the honest themes, the novel is surprisingly funny. Greg's voice as a narrator is a perfect blend of awkwardness, sarcasm, and self-loathing. He swears an awful lot, which may turn off some readers, but I think his narration definitely reads "teenage boy," and his humor wasn't too witty for his age in the way that other young adult protagonists' tends to be (i.e. John Green's way-too-worldly teens). Of course, Earl's character is especially funny and even more off-the-wall and foulmouthed. I frequently found myself smirking and laughing out loud as I read, which I don't often do. The humor helped to take the edge off the dark subject matter of the story, and I found it to be really enjoyable. 

The relationship between Greg and Earl was a complex one to watch develop as well. Earl's home life is in shambles, and Greg, with his middle class house and traditional parents, are an escape for him. The movies they make together are really the only extra hobby or interest that they have and they are both each other's only close friends. Their rapport with each other is often oddly aloof, but it works for them. They have a good balance going. Their interactions with Rachel, however, have a large impact on how they see each other. Despite his tough exterior, Earl is the more thoughtful of the two, planning hospital visits and sharing their movies with her. Greg is forced out of his comfort zone by Earl's participation in the friendship, and is quite upset by him sharing their films. They way they interact with each other changes over the course of the story, but again, not in a clear cut good-or-bad kind of way. I liked watching how they changed and considering the ways they grew (or not) throughout their experience.

Ultimately, Me and Early and the Dying Girl is an extremely moving read. Its emotional honesty and purposefully foggy themes make for a very thoughtful experience. For me, this is one of those books that gives you a hangover after reading because you just have so much to turn over in your brain. It definitely remains one of my favorites. I will be trying another book by Andrews next - one that is totally different to this one in genre and theme. I'm excited to see if I will find another favorite.     

Challenge Tally
Then vs. Now: 11/27

Total Books Read in 2020: 44